Are You Freaking Kidding Me?!

Two situations have had me uttering that phrase this week.  The first one happened yesterday.  I decided to take the metro to the outskirts of the city so that I could go to a larger supermarket.  There were a couple of things I was looking for that I could not find in the smaller shops by my apartment.  The supermarket I went to, Auchan, is very similar to a Walmart.  The particular one that I went to has 3 floors.  The bottom floor is literally all wine – you would not even believe the selection.  The second floor is food.  The third floor is full of electronics, clothing, and other household items. 

Fortunately, I found what I was looking for: dishwashing gloves, regular gloves (somehow I did not move any winter accessories to Paris), floss, and mouthwash. After collecting these items, I headed to the cash register area. For my regular blog readers, let me also say that this is the same supermarket I got yelled at (the chocolate and water story) on my first trip to Paris. So anyway, I put everything on the conveyor belt and waited my turn. As soon as I got up to the front of the line, an alarm started going off. At first I looked around, thinking, “Who set off that alarm? I wonder if I’m going to see those huge security guards take someone down?!”

And then I realized the huge security guards were coming straight for me. Are you freaking kidding me? Immediately, they started frisking me, searching my purse, my pockets, everything. I wanted to shout, “I DIDN’T STEAL ANYTHING!! LOOK AT ME!! DO I LOOK LIKE SOMEONE WHO WOULD TAKE SOMETHING WITHOUT PAYING?!?!”


Even though I knew they wouldn’t find anything, my heart was beating a thousand times a minute. When they finally came to the conclusion I didn’t have anything, they pointed to a tag inside of my jacket. I think they figured that the tag set off the alarm.


At this point, there was quite the line of foot-stomping, sighing, eye-rolling shoppers behind me. I finished bagging my items as quickly as possible, and literally ran out of the store. At least they didn’t arrest me!


The second situation that had me uttering that phrase is happening as I type. This morning, I was awake, but still lying in bed (around 8:30), when I heard someone knocking. Hmm…surely this was some kind of mistake. I wasn’t expecting any deliveries or any visitors, so I ignored it. Plus, I didn’t feel like getting robbed or murdered today.


A few minutes later, the knock came again. This time, it was a bit louder and lasted a bit longer. Again, I ignored it, but decided it would be best to get up and get dressed. I also realized that someone was lowering a ladder onto our balcony from the apartment above. At this point, I was pretty much freaking out. I was in the middle of frantically pulling on a pair of jeans when the knock came again. I could hear a man and woman talking outside the door. Finally, someone started yelling, “HELLO, MADAME SMITH!!! THIS IS THE OWNER, FRANCOIS!!! OPEN UP!!!!!”


Since it was the owner of our apartment, I cracked the door ever so slightly. He was beaming on the other side. He explained to me (with a huge smile on his face) that he was doing work on his apartment (right above ours) and in order to complete the work, he needed “a few” things to come through my balcony and up a ladder to his apartment. I didn’t really understand, but before I could say anything, there were approximately 6 French people in my apartment, putting plastic down on the floor and carrying things through.



About an hour after they arrived, I received the following email from the apartment managing company. I had to translate it online:


We inform you that your owner is currently building and he has an imperative need to go through your apartment to install a scaffold to carry out work of sealing decks.



So we apologize in advance for the inconvenience and would be grateful if they have access even today.




OK, I had heard nothing about this so-called “scaffold”. But shortly after I read this, I realized that was, in fact, what was happening. Now, 3 ½ hours (WHAT HAPPENED TO JUST A FEW MINUTES?!?!)after they arrived, the men are still building this scaffolding on my balcony. No one has told me how long it is going to be there, or when they are coming back to remove it. Are you freaking kidding me?